Breathing & Screaming
The same water that changed molecular density when submitted to Peter’s faith to walk on it, is the same water that could submit to the faith to breathe in it.
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| "Perflurodecaline" (Formula used in Liquid Ventilation proven perfectly suitable as a breathing medium, as it not only dissolves high amounts of oxygen but also acts as anti-inflammatory for human tissue.)* |
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| "Perflubron" (Formula used in Liquid Ventilation) |
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| "Fluoroinert" (Formula used in Liquid Ventilation) *See video of Dr. Thomas Schaffer's explanation |
There is a scene in the movie, The Abyss, where a deep sea diver must breath liquid oxygen to complete his mission. He KNOWS his lungs will first resist the perfluorocarbon before he adjusts, but as the fluid begins filling up his clear mask past his nose, the panic- his natural reaction against drowning- kicks in.
(Unedited language in clip)
Even though we all begin in the womb submersed in fluid, after our first postpartum breath, we recognize this as a threat and instinctively fight it…but if we could see the reward on the other side of the dying, could submit to the process of pain...
It took me a while to recognize that I’ve been processing trauma through painting the First Breath series. Im sure my experiences only border on the edges of what specialists would call 'big ’T’ trauma'; I've never endured violent abuse, witnessed first-hand tragedy, or the unexpected death of a loved one…but I HAVE endured the pain of broken relationships and repeated betrayal.
What began as subtle sighs of disillusionment became a deep wailing in my body and spirit that was growing in intensity with every broken promise. The crescendo finally broke while my family was on mission in St. Croix in 2017.
Dr. Aurtur Janov has developed a therapeutic practice known as Underwater Primal Scream, built on the theory that a scream can release moments of deep stress from “central and universal pains” also referred to as Primal Pains, because “they are the original, early hurts upon which all later neurosis is built” Janov explains.
The term 'universal pain' broadens its meaning when considered in relation to another theory called Cellular Memory that claims emotional memories may be passed on to preceding generations through our cells. As I looked into my family history, I found this theme repeated in many broken relationships before me. As I reached out to to new found friends on St. Croix, I found that my pain was shared with so many. My muffled underwater yell may have gone unnoticed in the Caribbean Sea, but it was joining the cries of many others.
But screaming was the easy part.
Having the courage to look underneath the pain directly in the eyes of my deepest fears was a lot like the initial reaction to liquid ventilation in The ABYSS. At first, it was like I was trying to hold my breath- this will only take a little while, it can't be that bad- but denial, minimizing, and numbing kept me just below the surface. It wasn’t until I suspended my judgement of these deep fears: fear of dying, abandonment, not being enough, loosing control, losing my sense of direction…of God, of my self, that I was able to finally admit I was in a process of deconstruction and longing to be whole.
…Like Jonah running from his greatest reward; his rescue came after submitting to the deep.
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"Jonah's Reward" Underpainting for Flag #2 DenmarkRESCUE BREATHING
No more apologies
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